Sunday, April 09, 2006

Time continues to evade capture

Lately it's beenone thing after another. Some days my appointment calendar is just as emply as a black page, and then every activity in thw world gangs up onme at once.

I don't think I have had a "free" day for over 3 weeks, it's been non stop meeting, social or business obligation or some family thing to do. Yesterday I was busy from morning to night and even this a.m. I was busy. I can't stand it...

The only me time I have had during the whole Lenten season has been the one hour a week that I promised to sit before the exposed host in the adoration time. One hour. Seemed like an eternity and a great sacrifice for me to give up on a Friday evening after work.

I usually come home on Friday dragging, call for a pizza and then just crash. For lent I decided to sacrifice and do one hour from 6 to 7 in church. I msut admit the first week was a sacrifice at first, but I cam out so refreshed from a hour alone in contemplation that I liked it. The second week I looked forward to it, the third week I was a bit rushed and frazzled, but now I am sad that Friday was my last week to do it. This week is Good Friday, and I will be in church for the Statons of the Cross, but it won't be the same.

I won't be able to rest alone with my thoughts and my God, in a quiet time set aside for my own communication and spiritual renewal. On Godo Friday, the church will be packed with people and there will be directed prayers, communal prayers. I will miss the solitude.

Those who think they know me don't realize that at times I have actually contemplated my life after the kids leave should Ken die before me. I have often thought I might like to join a contemplative lay group that lives communally and prays. I find peace is such thought. But I am sure that no matter how I envision it it would never be as perfect as it seems now.

Another thing I did for me for lent was go to a "day of renewal" for women at my church. Yesterday morning I spent withe the parish ladies, listening to a Dominican sister tell us that as women we often feel we must control everything. She made us realize that we have to "let go and Let God." Good advise. I wish someone had explained it to me several years ago as well as she did yesterday. But then again, maybe back then I wouldnt' have been as receptive to receive it.

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