Sunday, December 30, 2007

I ruined Christmas

Yes, I did it single handedly. I totally "fuckin' ruined Christmas" for my husband. Apparently I had it all planned out, or at least that's the way he is making me feel.

My son forgot to pack the gift and bring it to Disney World with us so I could open it on Christmas Eve. So I didn't get it until Thursday. He presented it to me after I came home from work and when I opened it I didn't like the gift he gave me. It was a digital picture frame before he smashed it to pieces.

Why didn't I like it?

For YEARS I have been saying that if it has a plug and I did not specifically ask for it don't give it to me as a gift. This digital picture frame has a plug and my husband expected me to take it to the office and put on my desk. The problem is it's an "office" and the outlets I have near my desk are occupied with silly things like compters, printers and the like. I have no space for it. So when I told him that he got defensive. When I also reminded him (for about the hundreth time) that I do not like electronic gadgets as gifts he screamed and pulled it out of the wall socket he had it plugged into in the dining room and threw it across the room. He never mentioned to me that he had taken the time to load it with family pictures. No. He just screamed that I had just "fuckin' ruined HIS Christmas". His Christmas. Like that outburst just made mine oh so enjoyable. I never even got to see any of the pictures he loaded, which I would have liked to have seen and displayed at home.

So, that was on Thursday.

He barely speaks to me. He won't eat with me, refusing to sit at a table or eat any food I have prepared. I made salsbury steak, baked potatoes peas and a salad on Friday night. He didn't touch it. He didn't eat breakfast either, and wouldnt' let me make him a sandwich for lunch.

Of course that makes my Christmas so much more enjoyable with someone being openly hostile to me. "Merry Christmas honey, now fuck off." Such an enjoyable sentiment.

He thinks that by rejecting his "gift" I rejected him. To make amends I bought an exact duplicate of the digital picture frame, which for the record cost $80.00. I brought it home on Saturday and apologized for not accepting his gift graciously. I asked him if he would please reload the family pictures he had assembled so I could display them at home. He said no. He told me to take it back to the store. Instead I gave it to my daughter so she can use it. She likes gadgets too. He said, once again, I fuckin' ruined his Christmas and he would NEVER buy me another gift again as long as he lives.

He doesn't seem to realize that by giving ME a gift I didnt' want and ignorning what I have repeatedly told him about my preferences for gifts he "rejected" me. My opinion doesn't matter because I obviously don't mean what I say or have any idea of what I really want. Receiving an electronic gadget doesn't say "love" to me, it says "Look at this neat thing I saw and would like to have! I'm buying it for you because I like it."

I don't reject all gifts, I actually like thoughtful ones. Which in retrospect I guess he thought I would think because he preloaded the digital picture frame with family photos, which does take time and effort. However, he never even let me see that before he destroyed it. Pre loading the gift meant I had already used it and could not take it back to the store to exchange it.

What I do find acceptable as gifts - gifts that mean that I am valued and listened to - are things like a gift certificate to the beauty parlor I go to, so I can get a hair cut, manicure or pedicure. Or a gift card to a department store since I am a strange size to buy for, and this is a novel thought, how about going to the Mall with me and see the joy on my face as I choose what to buy? You know, spending TIME with me instead of rushing off to be with friends? It makes me feel oh so loved to know that you'd rather spend your day with Stan or Ralph or Bob than actually spend a day at home with me.

How about giving me a ticket to the movies since you never want to go with me ? How about gift cards to a restaurant so I can have a night out with you occasionally? Oh I forgot, you don't like every restaurant and you only like to eat out when you have to like on our anniversary or on birthdays.

How about a gift of time? How about doing something I like to do instead of always insisting on only the things YOU like? How about not telling me my ideas of fun are assinine or a waste of your time? That would be something that lets me know you think I am emotionally worth something to you.

How about painting the bathroom like I have been asking you to do for the last year? How about fixing the window curtain rod in the guest bedroom instead of leaving a hole in the wall?

Nope, none of those things have any value to him so they aren't valuable to me, right?

Oh well. I guess that's another valuable lesson learned. Don't expect anyone to treat you with respect and listen to you when you speak. That way you won't ever be disappointed.

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